


Frustration

by ilovenaley13



Series: Therapy Series [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1442287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovenaley13/pseuds/ilovenaley13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian has his first therapy session since being back home with Mickey and his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to make a therapy series of Ian getting help and living with bipolar disorder. I needed something to make me happy during the long 9 month wait. Thank you Jess for encouraging me to continue this story.

Ian laid still in the small twin bed and watched the alarm clock on his bed side table, it read 6:55am. He had been looking at time tick by slowly since 6am. The meds made sleeping for longer than 6 hours nearly impossible, but he knew that it seemed to make everyone in the house nervous for him to be out and about when the rest of them were sleeping. So after the 2nd day of people watching him way too closely he had taken to just laying in bed till the alarm went off at 7. 

Mickey was back to sleeping on the floor, since Ian had been released. Really after the kiss in the lobby Mickey hadn’t really tried to get physical with him. Ian didn’t know what to think of that. Was Mickey just giving Ian space to make the first move, or was it something else. Maybe Mickey didn’t want him anymore. It was all so hard, Ian knew it was going to be being back home and out of the controlled environment of the facility. 

They lack of sex wasn’t even the biggest problem, the fact that Mickey was being all sweet and patient was the thing that was driving Ian completely nuts. Ian wasn’t trying to be an asshole, he loved that Mickey was trying so hard. But Ian didn’t want some sweet, smiley pod Mickey, Ian wanted the tough, rough around the edges asshole that he fell in love with. The one that said Fuck Off instead of I love you, the one that begged Ian to stop being a bitch and fuck him harder. They left bruises instead of giving hugs, basically he wanted his Mickey back, their normal back as much as possible. He didn’t want him being bipolar to ruin who they were together or how they loved. 

The buzz of the alarm broke Ian out of his thoughts. He sat up and his eye’s met Mickey’s who had also woken up. Mickey met him with a small smile, and Ian just stood up and walked out of the room. He had to get away from the fake bullshit before he screamed.

He took a shower and got dressed before making his way downstairs. He helped with breakfast and got the kids lunches ready, since Fiona had the am shift. He didn’t really talk much through breakfast, opting to not say anything instead of blowing up at everyone. They were watching him again, like he was about to break and for some reason he didn’t have it in him this morning to pretend not to notice. Thank god he had therapy today because he needed to yell and scream at someone who wouldn’t look destroyed by his outburst. 

The kids thanked him for breakfast and made their way out to school. Mickey told him he would come with him to his appointment, but really it was more to make sure Ian went. So at 9:30 they got their coats on and made the 30 minute trip to Dr. Levring’s office in utter silence.

They took the elevator to the 4th floor, Ian checked in with the receptionist while Mickey sat down on a chair and picked up a magazine from the table. Once Ian was all checked in he went to sit next to Mickey. 

“You don’t have to stay here while I’m in there, just come back around 11 and i'll be ready to go” Ian said. 

“Its fine, I don’t mind” Mickey just dismissed him and went back to reading the magazine.

“By all means moniter me even while I’m in my therapy session.” Ian finally snapped. 

Mickey’s head shot up “Ian I’m not….” but before he could finish his words “Dr. Levring’s voice called for Ian. He stood up and walked into her office without even acknowledging Mickey.

 

Once in the office, Ian’s anger was unbearable. He took a seat on the couch, and watched Dr. Levring walk to a small fridge and take out two bottle of water and hand him one.

 

“So Ian how are you doing” The doctor asked.

“I’m about to lose my shit, I think we need to up the med’s” Ian snapped.

 

“Okay lets talk about what has you so on edge, we can’t just up the meds without you talking to me a little first” She explained calmly.

“Fine what do you want to know” Ian asked.

“First off have you been keeping up with your meds” She asked.

“Yes. I take them every night before bed. Even if I tried to forget there’s about 7 people in the house watching my every move at all times.” Ian was frustrated.

“Okay well what about booze, have you been drinking because that offsets the meds ability to fully work” she continued assessing what exactly was the problem.

“I’m not drinking, and no other drugs. Just the pills at night, and cigarettes.” His voiced raised.

“Ian, I explained to you that the meds were going to be a long hard process to figure out. We need to explore exactly what you’re having a hard time with so I know what the best medication we should try next.” She explained.

“I thought it was supposed to keep me leveled. Well I don’t feel level, I feel like i’m going to jump out of my skin and completely lose my shit. Everyone is looking at me and monitoring me. I can’t be up before them, because that means something’s wrong. I can’t go for a walk or a run, I might hurt myself. Mickey keeps smiling at me instead of talking to me. I’m constantly under a microscope, and I’m going to hit something or someone soon. So give me something that will help with that.” Ian got it out in one breath, before feeling exhausted and sitting back.

Dr. Levring stood up from her chair and sat next to Ian.

“You know you’re not broken” She said gently and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“It sure fucking feels like I am” Ian admitted. 

“I don’t think the medication is the problem, from the sound of things it sounds like they are actually working pretty well.” She said.

“What are you talking about, didn’t you just hear me I’m anything but leveled out” Ian was frustrated.

 

“Being leveled out doesn’t mean you should be numb Ian. What you explained to me sounds like, the growing pains of being back home. You can’t expect people to know how to treat you, when you’re pretended that you’re all good. You need to talk to them, when they piss you off tell them. When you’re not having a great day let them know that its a rough day. If you’re feeling good let them know, you have to be honest. You can’t treat them with kid gloves and they can’t treat you with them either. You want Mickey to stop smiling then tell him, but don’t keep that all bottled up all week and just release it on me. Thats not healthy or productive for either of us.” Her words were stern. 

“Fuck, okay I’ll try” Ian said.

“Alright now beyond just your frustration with being monitored, how have you been feeling otherwise” she asked.

 

“I don’t know, I guess it’s harder than I thought it was going to be. Being home with everyone, I know that they love me and they will always be there for me no matter what. I just don’t want to fail them” He admitted.

“How would you fail them Ian” She pushed for him to continue.

 

“I don’t want to be my mother” Ian whispered. 

They had talked about Monica Gallagher a lot. She was the driving force of Ian’s fears.

“Ian you are not your mother, just because you’re bipolar doesn’t mean that you will be the same as her. Everyones bipolar disorder has different manifestations and different triggers. When you crashed, you didn’t run out on your family or on Mickey. When it came down to it, you agreed to get help. 

And look at you 3 weeks later on your meds leveled out talking about your feelings and owning your new reality as a bipolar person. Thats impressive and brave, so you need to try and let go of Monica and separate her from your process. Monica was a coward who ran away and never got the help she needed for herself or her family. 

Thats not the Ian Gallagher that walked into my office that first day and told me Fuck everything you’ve read I’m more then that piece of paper in front of you and I will fight crawl and kill my way to get better. If thats still the same Ian sitting here on my couch then I think together we’re going to make sure to keep you better. So are you that same person” She asked him.

“Yes” Ian said with tears falling down his face.

“You know what you never answered for me the whole time we were in therapy together. What made you agree to come to the facility in the first place. You did it voluntarily and you were in bad shape so what was the thing that got you through those doors” Dr. Levring asked him.

 

“He thought I was sleeping. It was late and he had taken to sleeping on the couch, but he climbed into bed and asked if I was awake. I was, but I couldn’t answer. He started talking about a bunch of stuff, things we did together, good times we had, his opinion of the best sex we every had. He got quiet and I thought he had fallen asleep, but then I heard him start sobbing. He thought it was his fault because he denied us for so long and it was his karma or something to lose me just when he got me. He wore himself out from crying and passed out. I sat up in bed and saw the lithium pills they had left that belonged to Monica and I took two, hoping it would get me right enough to get help.

 

Mickey stood in front of a bar full of people and his dad and told them he was gay for me, to not lose me. So I can go through therapy and all the other bullshit I need to do to get well enough so that we can actually one day know what it is to be just safe and happy” Ian explained. 

“You really love him” She didn’t ask, it was just the truth. “But Ian you have to do this for yourself, for your own reasons. If its based off someone else, you can slip if they disappoint or hurt you” She tried to implore him.

“He’s apart of me, he’s the thing that makes me strong. And no matter what I will always love him regardless if we’re together or not. He’s in my head, in my skin, he’s in my blood. He’s family” Ian said with so much passion and conviction. 

 

Dr. Levring knew that it was something they would have to work on. But for now it was not productive to fight him on it.

“Alright times up Ian, I’ll see you next week. I want to hear about how everyone took you speaking up about the things that have been bothering you. Yes” She demanded.

“Okay, i’ll make sure to be a dick and if they ask me why i’ll say Dr. Levring told me I had to” He said with a evil smile. 

Ian walked out of the office feeling way lighter. Talking to the doctor always made him feel better. He found Mickey standing by the elevator waiting for him. 

“Bye Ian, bye Mickey” Dr. Levering said before disappearing behind her office door. 

They made their way back home on the L. They had grabbed a burger after leaving Dr. Leverings, but Mickey didn’t ask him about therapy. Mickey mainly talked about the bar, the rub and tug and complained about kevin making weird gay references. Ian actually laughed at that, kevin was hilarious. Mickey didn’t seem to appreciate Ian’s amusement, which he was expressing to Ian when they made their way into the Gallagher house.

“Hey fuck you, how should I know if plaids go with stripes. Like me liking dick qualifies me for fashion advice” Mickey complained.

“Well you are the bottom so that makes you the girl. So its a fair assumption on Kevs part” Ian said seriously.

“I’m gonna fuck you up, shut your goddamn mouth” Mickey threatened getting into Ians space.

“Make me Bitch” He got very close to Mickey’s mouth. The tension was thick both breathing heavy staring at eachother. Ian was loving it, but nothing had happened yet. He felt when Mickey caught himself and was about to step back, but Ian wasn’t having so he pushed Mickey before he bolted. 

“Your a fucking pussy” he said and he saw blue eyes turn black with fury and he got pushed hard against the front door. A smirk broke out on his face, as Mickey was fuming in front of him.

“Ian I’m warning you” Mickey growled out, the ex-con was trying to get himself in control, but the little shit was goading him. 

“You gonna chit chat or are you gonna get on me tough guy” Ian said and then the wall shattered and Mickey’ mouth was on him and fire was running through his body. They stumbled onto the couch body parts everywhere, clothes flying off. Breathing was becoming hard, Mickey seemed infatuated by his mouth. Ian broke the contact and attached his lips onto Mickey’s neck. 

Mickey flipped them and straddled Ian’s lap and ground his ass onto Ian’s impossibly hard dick and moaned out at the amazing feeling.

“Oh fuck this,” Ian said before pushing Mickey onto the couch and ripping his boxers off. Mickey was on his back, when Ian grabbed his legs and pulled them up to mickey’s head. He licked at the dark haired mans hole until he was nice and wet. Once satisfied that he was ready Ian shoved his dick into the tight ass and bottomed out. They both screamed at the feeling. They had missed this, neither one lasted long.

 

They stayed sprawled on the couch just in their boxers by the time Fiona got home from work. They had gone 3 more rounds and both were exhausted. She took one look at them and shook her head.

“Hey can you to get dressed, and please tell me you didn’t get any cum on the fucking couch. Kids live here and there is a bed upstairs that belongs to you Ian” she berated them, while starting dinner.

“Relax everything is clean” Mickey assured. “I’m gonna jump in the shower” He told Ian and made his way upstairs. Ian stood up and pulled on his pants and shirt and went to help Fiona with dinner.

Nothing was fixed yet, but atleast he felt like himself around Mickey for the first time since getting back home. He figured it would all take time, and he would try not obsessing about it for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think and what situations you might want to see Ian in. Thanks kris


End file.
